I am not waving my breasts defiantly

My Darling Daughters,


Please do not be offended as I share my experience and perspective about a controversial subject.  I respect your right to disagree with me and I will not be offended if you do.  But I can't sit dumbly by and not give my perspective on the debate over modesty.

It is true that women are not responsible for the thoughts and intentions of men. I agree wholeheartedly with that argument.  I also believe that women should be free to wear whatever they want.  Men or society should not dictate women's personal choice of apparel.  I have no argument about that. I lived in a religious state where women were required to wear modest clothes and were held responsible for sexual assault, no matter the circumstance.  I have seen the extreme of these violations of freedom and equality.

It would be naive and uninformed to believe that what women wear doesn't affect men and their thoughts.  It might be uncomfortable to imagine that your brothers, father, uncles, grandfathers, and friends who are decent and kind men would struggle to control their sexual thoughts and feelings when they see a girl or woman wearing something form fitting, short, low, or sheer.  But they do.  That is a fact.  Men respond to visual cues of the female figure.  They are wired that way.  Any honest man will admit it.  But not all men resist having sexual thoughts about females who are not their partners.  Not all men will put on the brakes when lustful imaginings intrude in their thoughts involving the innocent girl in a tank top or shorts minding her own business on the bus, at the grocery store, riding her bike, sitting in front of him in class.

So what? Who cares what someone else thinks?  Who are we to police other people's thoughts? If that were all the danger - unsavory thoughts- would I protest?

We live in a world that has objectified women and protects as free speech the sexual abuse of women.  Pornography is accessible to anyone who can work a mouse.  A whole generation of men has been conditioned to the acceptability of careless and casual sex without consequence or responsibility. The depictions they often see are of women being victimized or mistreated and enjoying it. Do I care that men have destructive thoughts involving innocent girls and women?  Yes I do.  Are there men who will eventually act on their fantasies?  Yes, that happens.  Are there men who believe when a woman resists that it is part of the sexual experience? Yes, sadly there are men who lack empathy, see women as objects, and will use them for their own sexual satisfaction without regard to how they hurt a woman physically, emotionally, or psychologically.
 
It is every woman's right to expose as much of her body in public as is allowed by the law.  But is it smart?  When you pick up a stick, you pick up both ends.  If you show your body, there are men who will think of you as a sexual object and fantasize about using your body for their sexual pleasure.  They might not act out their fantasies on you.  But they might act them out on someone else that crosses their paths. That you cannot control.

I am not waving my breasts defiantly saying it is my right to do this.  Who benefits if I do?  Men who want to be faithful to one woman wish we would keep our breasts put away.  Men who are addicted to lust say "wave on!" Women are the losers.  Not only can we not defy gravity with our breasts, we cannot ignore that there are results and consequences that we cannot control when we flaunt them.  I will not add my body to fuel the fire of lust burning out of control in some men.  I don't want to be the object in someone's fantasy.  I don't want to contribute to the fire that will lead some man to betray his partner or abuse someone else. I dress to show respect for myself AND to show respect for others.